Friday, October 2, 2009

Goat Meat Capitol of the World!!

Well, yes, people around here take their goats very seriously and it seems that everyone around either owns goats, used to own goats, is thinking of buying some goats or lives next door to someone who owns goats. I've learned some interesting things about goats simply by association. For instance, goats normally graze in one direction even moreso than cattle. I mean they all point in the same direction when they graze. Goats invented the old adage: The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side of the Fence. Goats like to walk single-file if possible. Goats are not afraid of heights. Goats will eat trees. Goats DO NOT eat tin cans (that is an urban legend or else only urban goats eat tin cans, not country goats).

You have to hold your mouth just right to talk about goats. You have to pronounce the word just right or else everyone will know that 'you ain't from round these parts, are ye?'

One of the most alarming things I learned about owning goats came from the lady who works at the cleaners. You see, she owns gotes. You got say gotes real fast and make it sound sort of heavy and clipped somehow to get the inflection right. Anyhow, she went out one day and found 15 of her goats dead! Just keeled over dead in the field. Now, why would your goats just keel over dead in the field? Well, she didn't know. Gotes are just like that, you see? You'll just walk out and there they'll be: dead!

Now, I don't know about you, but if fifteen of my goats just up and died, I'd be curious about what kilt 'em. I'd have to say "Hey! Why're my gotes dead?! What th'bleep?!"

But I queried several goat owners and learned that this is not unusual, that goats just up and die, that it's to be expected. I just cannot accept that! If ever I do own a goat, I'm going to make sure that if I do find him dead (or her) and it's not immediately evident that he/she was not the victim of alien mutilation, I shall take the remains to Texas A & M and say "Hey! What th' bleep happened to this here gote?!" I gotta know.

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